


Through the Valley

by 852_Prospect_Archivist



Category: The Sentinel
Genre: AU, Alternate Universes, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-10
Updated: 2013-05-10
Packaged: 2017-12-11 01:36:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/792519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/852_Prospect_Archivist/pseuds/852_Prospect_Archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jim has to deal with his senses, his profession and a new relationship with Blair.<br/>This story is a sequel to To the Mountaintop.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Through the Valley

**Author's Note:**

> This story previously published in "Come To Your Senses 13", though this version may not be exactly the same. 
> 
> This is the sequel to 'To the Mountaintop'...an AU where Jim Ellison, a Forest Ranger, met Blair Sandburg, a 21-yr old student. There will be at least one more part, but I do have a couple of other ideas in this universe that I'd like to pursue. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy. As always, comments are welcome. 

## Through the Valley

by JC

Author's webpage: <http://www.skeeter63.org/jayci/>

Author's disclaimer: The characters from the TV series "The Sentinel" are not my property, and I am not making money off of them. That's it.

* * *

Through the Valley by J.C. 

Steam filled the bathroom as Jim Ellison stripped down, tossing his sweaty workout clothes in the hamper. He cleared fog from the mirror and looked at his reflection. Not too bad. No signs of the strain he had felt all day. The throbbing that was beating at his temples wasn't visible, at least not if you didn't have a heightened sense of vision. Which, of course, he did. He could see the veins pulsing and the shadows under his eyes. The workout had helped to relieve a lot of his tension, and hopefully the shower would do the rest. He took deep breaths of the humid air trapped in the bathroom, calling to mind the techniques Blair had taught him. 

Blair. In a few hours, he would see Blair again. A date. A first date. He was determined not to let the sensory assault that had dogged him since his return to Cascade, and his loft apartment, ruin the upcoming evening. 

He shook himself, mentally and physically, giving his body a little stretch. Taking a couple more deep breaths, he got under the hot spray of the shower. His muscles ached, but the heat was starting to loosen him up. He let the water work on him for a while before reaching for the soap. As he lathered himself up, he found images flashing through his mind. Intermittent snapshots of wide, blue eyes and curly, brown hair; hardened nipples; the dusting of hair that trailed from the chest downwards... 

Jim brushed his own nipples with a soapy hand, sending a charge to his groin. Moving his hand to his balls, he massaged them as his dick grew hard and bobbed in the air. His breath was coming in gasps, pleasure coursing through his veins, and he choked back a shout as he grasped the leaking head of his cock. His mind was filled with thoughts of a naked body, bent over, firm asscheeks spread invitingly... Jim squeezed the stiff length of his dick, jerking on it as he pulled on his nipples, but in his mind's eye he was plunging into a tight, hot exposed hole, one hand entangled in a head of silky curls. When he came, his knees buckled, and spurt after spurt of his cum hit the tile in front of him. He rinsed off, sending water and suds cascading down his toned body to mix with the thick cream dripping down the shower wall, and watched it swirl into the drain. 

Later, getting dressed, tucking himself in as he zipped up his slacks, he wasn't surprised at all to realize that he had called out Blair's name as he climaxed. 

As he collected his keys and left his apartment, Jim tried to maintain his composure. His senses had been spiking ever since his return to the city, bringing with them an ever-present headache. It all seemed so irrational to him. He felt that he should be able to control it, or at least keep a handle on it. Blair had showed him how, gone over it with him, time and time again. In the mountains, it had seemed almost easy to dial up any sense he chose to better observe, experience, investigate, or enjoy. But, once again, being in Cascade challenged him. It was more like trying to keep the levels down, and that took a lot more concentration and focus. Every time he trained on one sense, the others seemed to surge and roll, demanding equal time and attention. He noticed that it had become an exercise in trying to filter out all of the extraneous input, and to do that he needed a _lot_ more practice. 

The noise, the sights, the smells all combined to create a formidable adversary. He hadn't eaten all day, not wanting a repeat of last night's dinner experience when taste had exploded in an unpleasant way. The nervous tremors were _enough_ for his stomach to handle, evidence that he was having some serious jitters over seeing Blair again. Even after finally getting himself under a semblance of control, the closer it had come to time to get ready, the more he felt the rippling sensation of waves flowing erratically from sense to sense. Everything served to remind him of how little control he actually had. 

He hadn't been that nervous since he had taken Lori Rogers to the school dance just after he had turned seventeen. It had been his first real date, and his palms had been sweaty as he gripped the steering wheel on his way to pick her up. Looking back, he realized he had probably been more nervous about not wrecking his father's car, than whether or not Lori would taste as good as she always smelled. Still, as he felt the dull pulses of pain start up again, he knew his current state had just as much to do with his impending date with Blair, as with how hard he was concentrating on _not_ feeling the silky slide of his shirt against his sensitive skin. 

He had thought that the sexual release in the shower would take the edge off -- make him less nervous, less tense, less _anxious_. But then, he had found himself standing in front of his closet, stupidly thinking (like a bad male chauvinist joke), that he had _nothing_ to wear. He chose, then rejected, then chose again all types of clothes, and still found himself making a last minute change, removing his shirt and tie, and finally settling on a soft, mock turtleneck shirt in a soft, gray color to wear under his jacket. 

All the way towards Blair's apartment, which was situated near Rainier University, his head ached as he tried to combat the constant noise and lights of the evening traffic. The butterflies fluttering in his empty stomach didn't help. Neither did the rush of pleasure he felt whenever he pictured Blair, and how much closer he was getting to him. He had missed Blair a lot. It had only been a few days since he had seen him last, but he had missed him all the same. And despite the stressful overtones, a steady current of joy pulsed through him. 

* * *

Blair paced back and forth in the small space of his apartment, keeping his eyes on the door as if he could see clear through to the other side. His hearing was on the alert for the slam of the heavy front door downstairs. 

Ever since Jim had called him the night before to say that he was back in town, and to discuss plans for their date, Blair had been a bundle of energy. And although that wasn't exactly unusual, he knew that he was fighting off a feeling of panic. He was almost convinced that Jim might not show. Their conversation had been pleasant, but even so, the undercurrent of strain in the older man's voice had been noticeable. When asked, Jim had said it was nothing, but Blair half-expected the forest ranger to slip back to the safety of his mountains. 

It seemed that Jim had a lot of emotional baggage because of everything that life had dealt him. Experiences that had left him feeling out of control. His family, his failed mission, his senses. In light of that, he had settled on being a forest ranger, volunteering for a remote post, closing himself off as much as possible from the world. Until a determined, twenty-one year-old grad student had invaded his territory. 

After being rescued from a sudden snowstorm, the young man had boldly stepped onto the scene with his books and papers and talk, and just sort of set up camp. In Jim's head. In Jim's life. He had explained and cajoled and instructed until Sentinel and Guide were everyday words, and dials and tests were common occurrences. Then Jim had desperately tried to push him away. Blair had been drawn to the mountain in search of a Sentinel, and compelled to return in search of something more. Helping Jim to come to grips with his senses had been the easy part. Jim's heart had been a different matter altogether. 

The loud bang downstairs, as someone entered the building, stopped Blair in his tracks. He had the door to his apartment open before footsteps even hit the stairs. Leaning against the frame, he calmed himself by taking deep breaths, trying to keep cool, and look casual. As Jim turned down the hallway towards him, Blair smiled. 

Jim smiled in return, taking note of the sensory signals coming from Blair. There seemed to be so much _more_ of him, heat and scent and heartbeat, everything magnified. And it penetrated through all of his outer layers -- straight to his inner core. He felt as if a burden had been lifted. 

"How did you know it was me, Sandburg? Or do you make a habit out of lurking around in hallways?" 

"Well, I figured, James Ellison -- ex-Army Ranger, current Forest Ranger, somewhat compulsive, a little uptight -- would be nothing, if not punctual." 

"Wiseguy," Jim smirked. "And you're standing in the hall because...?" 

Blair shrugged and replied, "Wanted to make sure that you didn't change your mind at the last minute." 

The memory of why Blair would have doubts pained him, but Jim knew that he was definitely where he wanted to be. Despite the tensions of the past day, he had never entertained the idea of _not_ being there. 

"I promised. Remember?" 

Blair didn't say anything... just watched as Jim got closer... and closer... until the tall, solid form was right up on him. Looking into the clear, blue eyes, Blair uncharacteristically couldn't find his voice. 

"Remember, Chief?" 

The softly spoken nickname caused heat to rush throughout Blair's whole body, but at least it loosened his tongue. "Yeah." 

Focusing on Blair's face, Jim was reminded how young the student really was. Young and innocent, as well as worldly and wise, a paradoxical blend, a sensory delight. All in twenty-one years of living. "Hey, Chief?" 

"Yeah?" 

"Aren't you going to invite me in?" 

"Yeah, man, sorry. Come on in." He moved aside, motioning Jim in, never taking his eyes off of him. 

Jim took in the cramped, cluttered apartment, walking slowly about, picking up on the Blair-impressions inhabiting the space. "Nice. Seems like you." 

"It's small, but if things work out, I have my eye on some space in the warehouse district. _Lots_ of room. It's not as cheap as this place, but, man, I'd love to have the square footage." Abruptly, Blair stopped talking. 

"What? What's wrong?" 

"Nothing, man. You just look... _good_." 

Jim flushed with pleasure. Deep down, he knew that he had wanted to make a good impression. To have Blair look at him and not see the man he felt he was on the inside. To not see the ugliness of death, the weariness of survival. To see something good, even if it was just on the outside -- a superficial distraction. A small smile crossed his face, and he watched as Blair walked towards him. 

Jim's voice was suddenly husky and low. "So, do I look good enough to go out in public with?" 

"You look good enough to stay home alone with." Blair's voice had gotten quiet and deep, as well. 

"We have reservations." 

Blair's eyes traveled up and down the length of Jim, then took note of his own clothes. "Well, it looks like I'm underdressed." 

Once again, they were in each other's space. "Not if we stay home alone." 

"Well... like you said, we do have reservations. Maybe I better go change." 

Caught up in tantalizing thoughts of Blair undressing, Jim let go. He stood there soaking Blair in, letting his senses get their fill. Letting them take him to a place that was so sweet, and so serene... 

"Jim...?" Blair had to fight the urge to shake Jim, gauging his voice so as not to startle the suddenly silent Sentinel. "Jim, are you okay, man?" Through the filter of his now concerned gaze, Blair finally noticed the slightly bloodshot eyes, and the shadows underneath them. When he finally saw the older man's focus return, his temper flared. "What is going on?! Have you been losing control of your senses? Why didn't you call me? Why didn't you tell me last night?" 

Jim closed his eyes, trying to clear his head, as Blair led him to the old lumpy couch that took up a great deal of the living space. 

"You've been having problems, haven't you? Damn. The dial thing isn't working?" 

Blair couldn't stop the cold tendrils of fear from swirling around in his gut. He knew what would happen if Jim decided to give up. The older man could very easily succumb to the lure of his mountaintop retreat. Blair knew that Jim wanted to see it as simply his job, but there had been more to it than that, and the student had been hoping that as Jim learned to take control of his hypersensitivity, isolation and solitude would no longer be appealing. It looked like that was not to be, and Blair couldn't keep the rising anger and anxiety from his voice. 

"Answer me, Jim. Has it been like this ever since you've been back in Cascade?" 

"Sandburg... Blair... quit it. You're giving me a headache." 

The tired, quiet tone of voice was like a slap to Blair's runaway emotions. "Oh, man. I'm sorry." 

"No. I'm sorry. It's been a little weird. The dials work, but I don't have as much control as I thought. It seemed so easy back up at the tower. I could just dial up and down depending on what I wanted to highlight. But here, I can't get a handle on it, because... I don't know. But it's much better than when I came back before, Blair. Really." 

"Shit, Jim. I've been so stupid. Of course, it wouldn't be the same..." 

Jim smiled to himself, and let the sound of Blair's talking roll over him. He knew that he should be paying closer attention to what the young man was actually saying, but the timbre of the Sandburg voice just seemed to ease his tension. He let himself open up to the Sandburg scent, being careful not to let go too much. One slight zone-out had been enough for both of them. 

"...and so we should probably do a lot more tests right here in Cascade, as well as some controlled studies in a lab." Blair noticed how still Jim was. 'Damn... not again.' "Jim? Are you still with me, man?" 

"Yeah, Chief. I'm here. Just listening." He had finally settled in on Blair's heartbeat. 

"You okay?" 

"Fine." He turned his sight on his young friend. "I just realized that you... soothe me." One spoken truth, made all the more powerful because it seemed so simple. 

Blair jumped up, pacing the room. Even at his accelerated levels of excitement, the effect of the younger man brought Jim peace. He seemed to broadcast on a frequency that felt so right to temperamental senses. 

"Wow. This is for real, isn't it?" 

"What?" 

"You and me." 

Jim frowned. "Real, as opposed to what?" 

"I mean, you are a _Sentinel_ , and I'm your _Guide_. Not just because I have knowledge of them, but because we're _connected_." 

Another truth spoken, and Jim acknowledged that it had all come down to that. The fact that Blair had sought him out once, and the fact that he had made sure that he showed up on Blair's doorstep that night. The fact that he was facing his biggest fear since coming back from Peru. To be connected to somebody again. And he believed that as long as that somebody was Blair Sandburg, there was no reason to be afraid. 

Still, he automatically pushed. It was the Ellison way. Push in defense, push for reassurance, push for response. "Don't you think that's a little strong?" 

"Look, man, think about it. Think about everything that's happened. Face it, if you hadn't been a Sentinel, I might have died up there, buried in the snow. And despite your strong defense mechanisms, you've let me in pretty easily." He chuckled at the look on the ranger's face, but didn't break his constant walking and talking. "Okay, not easily, exactly, but still, even today, you didn't let your senses going haywire keep you from coming here. We _are_ connected, on some level, in some all-encompassing way." Finally halting, he stared at Jim. "I think I better sit down." 

As Blair settled on the couch next to him, Jim said, "Chief, let's talk." 

Laughing, Blair responded, "Oh, man, those are scary words coming from you." Motioning his hand back and forth between them, he continued, "I mean the magnitude of all of _this_ doesn't faze me half as much as you wanting to talk." 

"You mean you _don't_ want to talk?" 

"I'm just saying that the fact that _you_ want to throws me a little. Do I want to hear what you have to say?" 

"There just seems to a lot going on with everything. Just take it easy on me, okay? You have a tendency to be... enthusiastic, and forge full steam ahead. I mean, I know there's the business about Sentinels, and I know that we feel... you know. But you don't even know if we'll like each other." 

"Come on, Jim. We faced off back up on the mountain, and you know how that turned out." 

Jim felt the heat creep to his face. 'This is ridiculous,' he thought. 'He's the kid, and _I'm_ the one constantly turning red.' But he couldn't deny that the memory of sleeping wrapped in each other's arms pleased him. 

"That's what I mean, Sandburg. We seem to be operating on a warped sort of timeline." 

"Oh, I see," Blair nodded. "You came over here to do the wild thing and now you're chickening out." 

Jim started, then turned to look Blair in the eye. "That is _not_ why I came over here." He felt the color rise again at Blair's disbelieving expression. "Okay, I've thought about it... but I really just wanted to... I'm not here because of my senses, _or_ my... itch. I simply wanted to be with you. Those things are there, but they're not why I'm _here_." Settling back on the couch once more, Jim couldn't stop thinking about how much he wanted Sandburg to just _like_ him. 

Blair just smiled. "Okay. But... um...Jim? Kiss me." 

"Dammit, Sandburg. I just told you--" 

"Jim, I heard you. I have something to say, but kiss me first, okay?" 

Jim needed time, and that was fine. Spread it out, slow it down -- no problem. Just as long as he knew that Blair Sandburg, grad student and newly appointed Guide, was full-grown and red-blooded... twenty-one or not, there were certain other needs that he wanted Jim to keep in mind. 

Leaning forward, Blair moved his face in close, giving the older man time to catch up. Jim closed the distance, and wasn't allowed the time for fleeting tenderness. Instead, Blair compelled him to let passion guide him through the tongue-thrusting, lip-sucking, taste-exploding experience. He was caught off guard by it, and even more thrown when Blair pulled away. Jim had to force himself away from the sounds of their two hearts racing, and the sensation of hormones raging. It took a concerted effort to make out what the student was saying. 

"Wow. Nice. Okay Jim. Your call. We'll take it slow. We'll work on the Sentinel stuff, spend time together, and see what develops. Just one thing. Get over your hang-up about my age... and when your vacation is over, and you're back on the job, don't use it as a way to hide from the situation with your senses... or me." 

"That's two things." 

Blair just shrugged and said, "Welcome to the Sandburg Zone, man." Then he kissed Jim again. 

* * *

They never made it to the restaurant. That second kiss had been a little more than Jim could handle, especially when Blair had slipped one eager hand just inside the waistband of his slacks. Jim's stomach had clenched, drawing in on itself as if to make room for the intruder, and seconds later he had made a sticky mess in his good pants. 

"Oops." Blair tried to look innocent as his fingertips touched wetness. 

Jim glared at the younger man as he carefully removed the hand from inside his clothes, but he was actually a little too mellowed out to be angry or embarrassed. However, he was acutely aware of how uncomfortable it would be wearing his pants in their present condition. 

"Jesus, Sandburg. I'm too old for this." 

"Hey, you're the one trying to take it slow. Maybe you need to think about an alternative..." 

"I don't have anything against sex, Chief. But you were the one who accused me of running away and hiding out. I'd like you to know that I don't intend for this to be a hit and run deal." 

"Jim... look... I'm sorry I said that." 

"No, you were right. And that thing with the rangers... well, you know I'm sorry about that." He smiled in Blair's direction. "I'm glad that I came tonight." 

It took a minute of Blair's hearty laughter to make him realize just what he had said, and then he found that embarrassment wasn't out of the question after all. "That's not what I meant!" 

"Lighten up, Jim. It's cool." 

"Yeah, well, looks like we're going to have to forget about that expensive dinner that I was going to ply you with. We won't make our reservations, and I need to clean up a little." 

"Bathroom's that way." Blair pointed off to his left. 

When he returned, Jim said, "I think I better go home -- get into some clean pants." 

Trying to hide his disappointment, Blair answered as he stood, "Oh sure, Jim. Didn't mean for that to happen." He crossed over to stand by the door as Jim gathered his coat. "Call me tomorrow. Maybe we can get together again." 

At the door, Jim looked down at Blair. "Calling it quits on me already?" 

Bewildered, Blair said, "What? You said..." 

"I said, we missed our reservations, and I needed to change. I thought maybe we could order pizza at my place. I don't have much on hand yet, except beer. Care to join me?" 

Blair grinned. "You bet." He grabbed the bag lying by the door, and proceeded to collect some things. 

"Planning on moving in, Sandburg?" 

"What?" He followed Jim's eyes, looking down. "Oh, just making sure I have the essentials. Old habit." He met Jim back at the door. "Come on, I'm starved." 

* * *

Much to Jim's surprise, he found himself handing over the keys to his Jeep. Blair wanted to do a run-down on his senses, and wouldn't take 'no' for an answer. Not even Jim explaining that he was feeling better and had actually made it all the way to Blair's apartment without major incident, spiking senses and all, would sway the younger man. The student ended up driving, calling out various instructions along the way. Jim went along with it, and actually _did_ feel a little more in control, although he was certain that it was mostly just Blair's _presence_ that was making the difference. 

However, out-of-whack senses were _nothing_ compared to watching Blair behind the wheel of his precious truck. The process of dialing and filtering seemed easy in comparison to just sitting in the passenger seat. Jim was relieved, to say the least, when they finally turned onto Prospect. 

* * *

Once in the loft, Blair walked around the apartment, while Jim went to the kitchen carrying the phone. The number to the pizza place was stuck to the refrigerator with a magnet. Jim dialed it and ordered. As he hung up, he heard Blair call out. 

"Wow, man, you _live_ here?" 

"Yeah, why?" Jim entered the living room carrying two beers. 

"Cool place, nice view, but it doesn't really look like anybody actually _inhabits_ this space, you know?" Blair took a bottle from Jim, and savored the taste of his first sip. 

"Well, I haven't spent much time here, especially lately, and I don't accumulate stuff the way you do." Jim turned and went upstairs for a quick change of clothes. 

Blair walked around some more, sipping slowly, glancing up to the upper level as Jim came back down. "It's not the _stuff_ , Jim. It's the impressions, you know? I mean, no _imprint_." He eyed the tall figure looking at him from across the room. 

Self-consciously, Jim answered, "Maybe that's all there is to me, Chief." Setting his bottle down on the table, he walked over to the door. He jerked it open, startling the teenager who was standing outside it, poised to knock, insulated container in hand. 

Blair turned to the balcony doors, and stared out at the moonlit darkness. "Oh, I think there's a lot more, Jim," he muttered under his breath, not thinking about the fact that Jim could hear him, and totally missing the wistful look that crossed the Sentinel's face as he closed the door and came back into the room. 

They ate the pizza, drank some beer, and thankfully, for Jim, talked of inconsequential things for the rest of the evening. When it got late, Blair started making noises about leaving, apologizing for not following in his own car. In a low, but determined voice, Jim asked him to stay, and the younger man wasn't ashamed at all at how pleased he felt. It was a lesson the ranger had learned on a mountaintop, and Blair had learned that he himself was powerless against it. So once more, they found themselves sharing a bed. 

* * *

Despite Jim's voiced concerns; the transition to lovemaking was almost effortless. That first night in Jim's loft bedroom, the two men found themselves drawn together, the passion escalating from kisses and touches to Jim breathlessly saying that they _had_ to stop because there was nothing in the apartment for them to use. Blair, ever quick on the uptake, especially when blood was beating a hard rhythm between his legs, simply reached over and extracted the necessary items from the backpack that he had left lying on the floor by the bed. 

It was extraordinary. 

Jim kept thinking that it had been way too long since he had felt anything _close_ to the sensations flooding him, and Blair knew he had never felt anything that had even _come_ close. After a quick clean-up, with something else that Blair pulled out of his bag as he ignored Jim's raised eyebrows, they lay nested together, Blair's back to the solid warmth of his new lover. 

In a quiet, drowsy voice, Blair spoke in the darkened room. "Doesn't look like we're sticking to your timeline here, Ellison." 

"No, it doesn't." 

Blair slowly turned over and faced Jim, though he wasn't able to see the strong features clearly in the dim lighting. "You okay with that?" 

"I seem to be." 

"And if I start throwing the 'L' word around? You going to be okay with that, too?" 

"So... we're back to that?" 

"Jim, I know what love is. I have a huge _capacity_ for love. I _love_ love. And the fact that this feels better than anything I've ever felt before is not something that I'll ignore. I went up a mountain for your ass." He reached around and palmed the firm mound of Jim's rear. "Well... not your _ass_ exactly, fine ass though it is... but I felt something I couldn't walk away from." 

Blair sighed, and Jim swore he could feel every molecule of the expelled air as it softly brushed against his skin. His attention was diverted back when Blair spoke again. 

"I mean, Jim, there's so much _here_..." 

"Are you sure that you even want something so... definite?" 

"Jim, I understand if you don't feel what I feel... yet. You've had a rough time with people." 

"No, let's get one thing straight -- I haven't felt love many times in my screwed up life, but I know enough to recognize it. And want it." And need it, he added silently. "It's not that I don't... I mean, I'm okay with my feelings for you. It's just that you always seem on the verge of flight." 

"I came to _you_ , remember." 

"Yeah, you did. And I'm glad that you did. I'm even more glad that you're here now." 

Blair turned back over, positioning himself so that they seemed to fit perfectly together. "Show me." 

It was a breathy order that filled Jim with need, causing him to growl in his lover's ear, as he hardened once more. "Sandburg, I'm not as young as you, you know. Are you trying to kill me?" 

Reaching back and handing Jim the lube, Blair replied, "Well, can you think of a better way to go?" 

* * *

They spent the rest of Jim's week off in much the same way, except that they did manage to actually go out. Still, they usually ended up back at the loft, making love in the night, pleasuring each other in the mornings, and once or twice grabbing a quickie in the middle of the day. In between, they squeezed in some work on Jim's senses, enough so that he began to feel like he had a handle on the frenzied input of the city. 

When Jim's vacation time was up, they fell into a semi-routine, making dates to spend Jim's days off together, and going through sensory tests with relatively little friction between them. They spent the Christmas holiday together, not really celebrating, but just being in each other's company. As more time passed, and the love between them slowly grew, the more they took their shared time for granted, relaxing into the smooth, sweet pattern that their lives had established. 

* * *

Jim knocked on Blair's door, already fairly sure that his lover wasn't home, even though the classic car was parked out front, because he had been listening for signs of Blair-life since parking his own vehicle. 

Surprisingly, they hadn't talked in a few days. Ever since getting the acceptance into Rainier's doctoral program in the fall, Blair had been keeping himself busy researching the proposal for his dissertation. Jim found comfort in knowing that the student would be somewhat situated once classes started. The help with his senses, the incredible sex, and the emotional high that he had been feeling had combined with such a force that he sensed the loss on those days when he and Blair were apart. 

After leaning against the wall outside of Blair's closed door for a while, Jim decided to head back to the loft. He had made it back to Cascade earlier than he had planned, and they hadn't made any definite plans for that evening, he had just been hoping... 

The familiar beat registered just as he got to the top of the stairs, a minute before Blair burst through the front door of the building. He stopped, smiling as the younger man noticed him just before rushing up the steps. 

Totally caught off guard, Blair blurted out, "Hey, man. What are you doing here?" 

"I'd have thought that would be obvious, Sandburg." 

"I mean... you know what I mean." 

"Well, we hadn't touched base over the last few days... I've called, but you've been out. I still thought that we would get together. If you have plans or something, I understand." 

"Just been busy lately with tutoring, and some research on the police thing, and assisting Dr. Maynard with one of his classes, and then there's the trip... I've been meeting with Dr. Stoddard and the team all week, you know about the expeditions to Brazil, Bali and Borneo..." 

"Borneo? Chief, what are you talking about?" 

Fishing out his key, and unlocking the door, Blair kept rattling on. "Oh shit! That's right, I've been meaning to tell you, but everything was so up in the air until this week. Eli Stoddard is organizing a series of studies to take place over the next five years or so. The first is in Brazil -- I won't get to play any big part, but for the summer he's offered me the opportunity to be in the rotation of student workers that help out with the grunt work. Maybe by the time the Borneo trip comes around, I will have gotten my Ph.D., or have some stuff published, or accomplished _something_ , so that I can go along as a major player." 

Jim just blinked his eyes, trying not to get lost in the onslaught of words that he could still hear echoing around the small apartment. "So, you'll be gone this summer?" 

"Yeah, I... oh, man..." 

"No, Sandburg, it's fine. That's great, really. We should go out, grab a bite, and celebrate." 

"Jim, look -- it's really a great opportunity, and to have the chance to get in at the beginning..." 

"Chief, I said let's go celebrate." 

Blair wasn't sure how Jim was actually taking the news, and he was kicking himself for just blurting it out in that way. Better to stay home, rather than go out with an awkward tension between them. "How about I cook us something right here?" 

"Will I be able to recognize it?" 

"Maybe not, but it'll taste good." 

Shaking his head, Jim surrendered before Blair could start in on convincing him. "Okay." 

Blair started towards his small kitchen, as Jim plopped down on the couch. Changing his mind, he joined the older man, settling in close. "I've missed you." 

"Ditto, Chief." 

Leaning over, Blair gave his lover a quick kiss along his jaw. "So, are you okay with the trip, really?" 

"I have no choice, Sandburg." 

"No, but you could totally hate the idea." 

Sighing, Jim responded. "Blair...let's not even go there. You have decisions to make about your work, just like I made a decision to go to a mountaintop." 

"But, Jim..." 

This time Jim leaned over, pulling the younger man closer, and went with the tried and true way to end a conversation with Blair Sandburg. He kissed him. 

* * *

Time seemed to take on a different undertone once the awareness of Blair's trip was hanging over them. They didn't get to spend _more_ time together, their conflicting schedules simply didn't permit it, but when they _were_ with each other, it seemed different. Sometimes in a good way, sometimes not. Passion and tension interweaving. 

Spring saw Blair's twenty-second birthday, and he met Jim at a borrowed cabin in the mountains for the celebration. It was overwhelming to him, sharing that bed, remembering the first time Jim had slept behind him... how far they'd come. The question kept reverberating in his head, despite his happiness: how much further would they go... together? The time when he would have to leave was getting nearer, and bringing with it an unexpected feeling of apprehension. 

The closer they got to summer, the busier Blair became. Jim, too, found himself increasingly occupied, since gearing up for the summer season meant busier times for the Rangers as well. When the list went up for volunteers to man the remote mountain posts, Jim didn't even consider adding his name to it. He had decisions to make, but that wasn't one of them. 

* * *

The tension in Jim's body had been building for a while, until it had reached the point where he could barely contain it. Anger and worry collided in him so fiercely; he was surprised that he hadn't crashed on the way over to Blair's apartment. Sandburg was scheduled to leave in two weeks, and Jim hadn't seen him or heard from him in at least that long. He hadn't returned any phone calls, or been at home when Jim had visited on his days off. Jim had resorted to staking out the apartment building and the University -- all to no avail. 

The anxiety was causing his senses to play tricks on his mind. One time, he was sure he had found Blair in a reading room at the University library... focusing in on heartbeat, and scent... but when he had burst through the door, startling several students into dropping their books, Blair wasn't among them. He could feel the eyes of the librarian burning a hole through his back as he left, adding to the heat of embarrassment coloring his face. 

But as soon as he got out of his truck this time, he was sure; the sensations were that strong. Blair was home. He went inside, taking the stairs two at a time, striding forcefully down the hallway. The sound of his footsteps seemed unnaturally loud, but not loud enough to drown out his lover's heartbeat. It took a bit of restraint to not kick the door in, but he managed to just knock three times, although they were three rather _hard_ knocks. 

The door was snatched open by Blair who was obviously in a rush, and obviously on his way out. He had a half-eaten apple in his hand, and his backpack on his shoulder. 

"Jim!" 

"Going somewhere, Sandburg?" Even to himself, it sounded like a growl. 

"Actually, yeah. I need to finish working on some notes... and I'm getting together with someone from the expedition team." 

But Blair found himself moving backwards instead of forwards, as Jim advanced into the apartment. When Jim stopped short, the student had to grab hold of him to keep from being knocked off balance by the weight on his shoulder. 

"What happened to all of your stuff?" 

Blair followed Jim's gaze around the nearly empty room. "Well, I didn't want to pay rent on this place over the summer, so I'm giving it up. My stuff is in storage. I'll find another place next semester." 

Jim felt as if he were going crazy, or had woken up in some bizarre parallel universe, because how else could things be spiraling so out of control. He wanted to smack the kid... or kiss him, and he couldn't bring himself to do either. 

"What's going on here, Sandburg? Sneaking out on me?" 

"No, Jim. I've just been busy. Just... busy." 

The sound of their two hearts beating uncontrollably seemed to be bouncing off of the walls of the empty apartment. Blair's vitals were spiking all over the place, and Jim knew he only had a shaky hold on his own. Caught between striking out and drawing closer, all of a sudden, the older man just snatched his wayward lover by the hand, the unfinished fruit dropping to the floor unnoticed, and led him out of the apartment... down the hall... to the street... and stood, stonily, until Blair got into the truck. 

All the way to Jim's place, there was nothing but loud silence. 

* * *

Jim didn't drag Blair up to the loft; in fact he didn't even wait for him to get out of the truck, just went in himself and headed upstairs. He felt idiotic about his behavior, but still hadn't come to terms with his anger. As he unlocked the door, he let himself train on Blair's heartbeat, now somewhat calmer, but still outside. He stopped, and stood still in the open doorway. 

It wasn't the first time that he had been alone and noticed the changes that had come over the apartment. But, suddenly it seemed to hit him a lot harder. He knew exactly what Blair had meant when he said 'no imprint'. Now there were definite impressions present -- a lot of them Blair's mixed up with his own. 

The small basket on the table by the door -- Jim had placed it there after watching Blair search one time too many for his keys. He had gotten the younger man so in the habit, that in his own small apartment, Blair had started to drop his keys in the ornamental bowl that was situated in almost the same spot. The coat rack -- which Jim had also placed in the apartment in deference to his lover, who did not automatically hang _his_ coat up in a closet. The bigger bookcases -- bought at Blair's insistence that Jim get the rest of his books out of the packed cartons in the basement. The three panther figurines situated around had been picked up on various outings with Blair, the sleek, powerful lines calling to Jim for some unknown reason. 

The whole place had a different _feel_ to it... less emptiness in the air. And the idea that all of that could be reversed left Jim feeling deflated. Even the sound of Blair coming up the stairs somehow didn't make him feel any better. 

* * *

Blair pushed his way past Jim and stormed into the room. The older man closed the door quietly, and watched his lover throw down his bag and jacket. 

"I don't appreciate you treating me like a little kid, Ellison!" 

"Well, Sandburg, be a man, and face me... tell me _something_. You're _acting_ like a little kid -- one who's running away from home." 

Blair flinched, went pale, and sort of crumbled where he stood. Thankfully, he ended up sitting on the low table in front of the couch, instead of on the floor. 

_Home_. 

Alarmed, Jim took a step forward, but when Blair looked at him, the depth of the sorrow in his lover's eyes made him take a step backward again. 

"Home... yeah, well, what's that? I mean, _really_." 

Jim found himself moving forward again, and this time he didn't stop until he was just a touch away. 

"What the hell are you talking about, Blair?" 

Blair raked his hands through his hair, expelling a loud breath. "Me, Jim. I'm talking about me. Damn... I'm sorry about all of this." He looked up into his lover's face, his expression wide-eyed and sad. "I'm such a hypocrite. I come tearing into your life accusing you of hiding and running away... when, look at me." 

"What, Chief? What is it?" 

In a low, weary voice, Blair answered, "Jim, I've lived my whole life leaving people and places behind. Moving on to the next thing, the next town, the next school. Even being here at Rainier, coming back for each semester... you never stay in the same place, your friends change. Hell, college is a transient place by nature. Drop in, get your education, and move on to the real world. I don't know if I know how to do anything else. Look at my chosen profession. I almost _have_ to be amenable to moving about the world if I want to be successful, or at least do anything interesting. No offense to the Sentinel subject present." A weak smile crossed his face before he continued, and he shrugged his shoulders. "That was Naomi's way, and it was fine for her... still is. But then, she wasn't raised like that. Now, I just feel stuck in the pattern." 

Jim swallowed hard, trying to ease the dry tightness in his throat. Lowering himself to a squat in front of Blair, he said, "What about... me, Chief?" Somehow the word 'us' got stuck on the way out. 

That was the fear that Blair hadn't spoken to. The thought that when he returned, it would be to a dusty, unused loft, and the knowledge that a certain forest ranger had made his way back up into the distant mountains. 

"Trying to say that you'll sit around and wait for me all summer? Or the next time a trip comes up?" 

Jim didn't understand why Blair was even questioning that. "I love you." 

The words hit Blair square in his chest, and he stumbled to his feet, barely missing knocking Jim over, but pushing the table back in the process. "Man... I don't think you've actually ever _said_ it before." 

Jim stood, mind reeling at that thought. He had _meant_ it, hadn't he ever _said_ it? Moving closer, he pulled Blair to him, hands clenched in a firm grip on his shoulders. "I. Love. You. I'll be here when you come back. This place will be here when you come back. _All_ the times you come back." 

"Jim... listen to me." 

"No, Blair, you listen. I was going to surprise you... bad idea, I guess. I didn't realize that we weren't quite on the same wavelength. I've given my notice to the Forestry Service. I'm joining the Cascade Police Department." Smiling, he said, "Someone I know is going to be working with them, and I like the idea of being a cop. Putting my senses to better use... to do more good." 

Blair stood there, speechless, so Jim forged ahead. 

"That same someone told me once that I had to find peace of mind within myself. Seems like the same would apply to the concept of 'home'. I understand that, because of the way your mother brought you up, the concrete existence of an actual place would appeal to you, but as the saying goes: Home is where the heart is." 

He drew Blair in tighter, embracing him, placing soft kisses on his face. "I want you to think of _me_ as home. Move in with me." 

Blair stiffened inside the circle of his lover's arms, emotions warring inside him... fear seemingly a large fist squeezing his insides. Jim let him go, determined to stay calm and not add to the young man's turmoil, but he refused to back away from his idea. 

Turning, he went to where Blair had thrown his backpack. That ever-present, ever-packed bag -- symbol in Jim's mind that Blair was always ready to move on. Without looking in Blair's direction, he opened it. He removed some books and placed them on the table. Then he took out some articles of clothing, folded them neatly and put them on the stairs leading to the bedroom to be taken up later. Item after item, made its way somewhere around the apartment. Even the tube of lube, which he stuffed under a sofa cushion, thinking to himself that there was already plenty in the nightstand drawer. He knew that his lover was watching him, but was pleased to note the calm breathing patterns. When he was finished, he hung the empty bag on the rack, picking up Blair's jacket and hanging that as well. Finally, he faced the younger man again. 

"Let's get your stuff out of storage. Move in with me." 

Walking across the room, Blair shook his head. "No..." 

It was definitely not what Jim had expected, and his shoulders slumped slightly. Still, he met Blair's gaze, looking down as the shorter man stopped in front of him. 

"Jim, we only have two weeks before I leave, and we'll both be busy a lot of that time. That doesn't leave much free time to spend together. I don't want to waste it moving. I'll do it when I come back... home." 

Jim didn't even try to fight the silly grin he felt taking over his face. "Home, Chief?" 

"Well, you already have my heart... I guess, with you I'm home." 

And with that comment, it was as if there was nothing between them that couldn't be handled. That included ridding themselves of their various layers of clothing, and maneuvering their entwined, kissing bodies across the room to the couch... within reach of the lube. 

Blair was only mildly surprised when Jim turned over, offering himself. It seemed right and good that the first time he took his lover happened that night. The night that he embraced the feeling of being home. A feeling that was intensified as he slid inside Jim's body... slid all the way home. 

Afterwards, when they were sweaty and satisfied, lying in each other's arms, Blair took comfort in the beat of Jim's heart, and could only revel in the wonder of what his own heart must sound like to someone with a heightened sense of hearing, how anchoring it would be. A sound that reverberated with the message: 'Welcome home. Here you are loved.' 

Blair drifted off peacefully, wrapped in the pleasure of simple acceptance. 

Home was his Sentinel's heart. 

THE END 


End file.
